Embracing Therapy as a Positive Step
Starting a conversation with your child about therapy can feel like a daunting task. It’s a subject filled with emotions, questions, and potential misunderstandings. But therapy can be a valuable tool for children facing emotional or behavioral issues.
Explain What Therapy Is
Your child may not understand what therapy is or how it can help them. I often tell kids that therapy is a time for them to talk about what they want to. 50 minutes where they don’t have parents, teachers, and coaches telling them what to do, without the stress and pressures in school, life, etc. Even though I work collaboratively with parents, the goals and direction of therapy gets to be decided by the child. I’ll make it clear that I’m a kid-helper, I help them with what’s important to them.
Also, if you’re not sure what therapy entails, I offer free 15 minute consultations to explain what therapy can be. This type of call can have the child and parents, as it’s beneficial for both of them. We can have a quick chat about what I do, what their life is like, and what games/interests we may connect over. I then introduce the idea of gaming together in therapy to further show that they have control, and choice.
Therapy Focuses on Your Child’s Goals.
Therapy can be “client-centered”, meaning the client is in the driver’s seat of therapy, while the therapist acts mainly as a guide or a source of support for the client. So the client/your child can feel in control, more confident, and less anxious when beginning therapy. This autonomy and control is also a form of respect for your child, as they rarely get to have voice and direction in their world.
Your child may feel more willing to go to therapy if they have some choice and control over it. Hence why I’ve incorporated video games, VR, and other activities into therapy to make it more engaging for kids. Remind them that they get to set some goals and expectations for the therapy, such as what they want to work on or achieve.
Most importantly, therapy is a safe and confidential space where they can express themselves, which allows them to be more vulnerable and get the most out of therapy. Explain to your child that therapy is a safe and confidential space where they can talk about their feelings and concerns without judgment. Emphasize that the therapist is there to help and support them, and that they will work together to find solutions to their problems.
Understand Your Child’s Reasons
Your child’s resistance to therapy may come from various sources:
- Fear, Shame, and Stigma: Address these feelings with compassion and understanding.
- Distrust or Lack of Motivation: Provide clarity on what therapy entails and offer them some control.
I. How To Talk About Therapy With Your Child
- Briefly explain why therapy can be a valuable tool for children facing emotional or behavioral issues. You can start by saying something like “Sometimes, when we have problems or feelings that are hard to deal with, we need someone to help us. Therapy is a way of talking to someone who can help us understand ourselves better and find ways to cope with our challenges.”
- Acknowledge that convincing your child to attend therapy can be a challenge and offer tips to help. You can say something like “I know that going to therapy might seem scary or weird at first, but it’s actually very common and normal. Many kids go to therapy for different reasons, and it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with them or that they’re weak. It just means that they need some extra support and guidance.”
II. Understand their reasons
- Emphasize that children may have different reasons for not wanting to go to therapy, such as fear, shame, stigma, distrust, or lack of motivation.
- Empathize with your child’s feelings and listen to their concerns without judging or criticizing them.
- Giving choice and time to your child to make their own decisions about therapy.
- Validate their emotions and acknowledge their perspective. For example, you can say “I understand that you feel scared of talking to a stranger about your problems” or “I know that you think therapy is not for you”.
It’s important to remember that children generally don’t have control of what they’re asked to do, so giving them choice and time to make their own decisions can be helpful. Children are directed to do things everyday at school, home, and may need times when they can make choices and agree to do things at their own pace. Making this discussion about therapy a process instead of a one-and-done directive can be helpful.
III. Explain the benefits
- Highlight the positive outcomes of therapy, such as feeling happier, more confident, and more in control of emotions.
- Mention how therapy can improve relationships with family and friends, and academic and social performance.
- Focus on the benefits that are most relevant to your child’s specific situation.
- For example, you can say “Therapy can help you learn how to deal with your anxiety and calm yourself down when you feel nervous” or “Therapy can help you make new friends and get along better with others”.
IV. Incorporate games or technology into therapy
- Explain how games or technology can be used to make therapy more appealing to children.
- Find a therapist who incorporates games or technology into their approach to therapy.
- Mention how incorporating games or technology can help children feel more comfortable during therapy sessions.
- For example, you can say “Therapy doesn’t have to be boring or serious all the time. Sometimes, you can play games or use apps that can help you express yourself and have fun” or “Therapy can be done online through video calls or chats, so you don’t have to go anywhere or meet anyone in person”.
Incorporating games or technology into therapy sessions can be a great way to make therapy more appealing to children. Many therapists use games or technology as part of their approach to therapy, and some may even use video games specifically, like us at Video Game Counseling. If you want to read more about how we use video games in therapy, you can find one of our articles here. This can be a great way to engage children and help them feel more comfortable during therapy sessions.
V. Make therapy about them, for them
- Explain what therapy entails and how it can be a safe and confidential space for children to express themselves.
- Emphasize that therapy is a place where they can talk about their feelings and concerns without judgment.
- Highlight that therapy can be “client-centered,” meaning the client is in the driver’s seat of therapy, while the therapist acts mainly as a guide or a source of support for the client.
- Suggest that parents offer their child some control over the therapy process by letting them set some goals and expectations for therapy.
- For example, you can say “Therapy is not like school or homework, where you have to do what someone else tells you to do. Therapy is about you and what you want to work on. You can decide what you want to talk about and how you want to do it” or “Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all thing. You can tell your therapist what you hope to get out of therapy and what kind of activities or methods you prefer”.
VI. Be patient and supportive
- Acknowledge that children may not change their mind or behavior overnight and that it may take time and effort for them to accept and engage in therapy.
- Don’t force your child to go to therapy if they are not ready or willing, but don’t give up on them either. Keep encouraging them and reminding them of the benefits of therapy. Be supportive of their progress and celebrate their achievements.
- For example, you can say “I know that going to therapy is not easy, but I’m proud of you for trying it out” or “I’m happy to see that you’re feeling more confident and positive after your therapy sessions”.
VII. Conclusion
- Reiterate the importance of therapy as a tool to help children cope with emotional or behavioral issues.
- Continue to offer support to your child, even if they are initially resistant to therapy.
Be Patient With Your Child If They Are Still Hesitant To Start Therapy.
Your child may not change their mind or behavior overnight. It may take some time and effort for them to accept and engage in therapy. In my work with adults, they even share how starting therapy has been on their mind for years and the support or encouragement from a partner helps them start therapy. For adults, this might look like a wife providing therapist referrals or a friend suggesting a therapist that could help. Regardless, show them that you care about them and that you are there for them no matter what.
Convincing a child to attend therapy can be a challenging process, but it’s important to remember that therapy can be a valuable tool in helping children cope with a range of emotional and behavioral issues. By starting with a conversation, addressing your child’s concerns, normalizing therapy, involving them in the process, highlighting the benefits, being persistent but gentle, and incorporating games or technology into therapy, you can help your child feel more comfortable with the idea of therapy and ultimately benefit from it.
If you are curious how therapy looks, you can email or schedule a free 15 minute consultation for a simple introduction into the process.
